‘Cause I’m A Snowfall Kind of Girl

13 01 2012

Well, it’s finally happened. After living in St. Louis for almost 2 months, it’s finally snowed. In fact, as I type this, it seems to be snowing again. It won’t last (snow never does), but at the moment, it’s beautiful.

First Snow of the Season

It’s amazing to me how a little white stuff falling from the sky can slow down everything. There’s only about an inch of snow outside, but it’s so peaceful. The blanket of white has a calming effect. Everyone slows down a little, plays a little, & devours comfort food. It’s like the world knows that you have to enjoy it when it’s here because it won’t last for long.

I wish we had that mentality in every day life: that idea that we can just slow down and savor life a little more. I think Jesus would love it if we lived life like everyday was a snow day. Hebrews equates restfulness with godliness. Hebrews 4:9-10 says “So there remains a Sabbath rest for the people of God. For the one who has entered His rest has himself also rested from his works, as God did from His.” It goes on to saw that the more we rest in God, the less we’re prone to sin. The chapter also talks about we fail to take advantage of the rest God provides.

Snow comes with its own set of issues: traffic, cold, closures of schools and businesses all inconvenience our lives when it snows. It’s easy to get caught up in all of that and forget to step back to reflect on the peacefulness that comes when the whole world seems blanketed in white. That’s life, though. It’s easy to get caught up in the drama and the details and forget that rest is one of God’s promises to His people. I don’t know what the weather’s like where you are, but I hope you’re intentional about a Sabbath/snow day.


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Categories : Faith, Life in General

Just From Sin & Self To Cease

4 01 2012

I was going to blog about moving to St. Louis & forging new relationships & jumping into ministry, and I’ll probably get to that at some point, but for tonight, and for the last several days really, this has been my heart. I’m praying that it becomes more and more real in my life and more and more real in your lives in this coming year.

’Tis so sweet to trust in Jesus,
Just to take Him at His Word;
Just to rest upon His promise,
And to know, “Thus saith the Lord!”
Jesus, Jesus, how I trust Him!
How I’ve proved Him o’er and o’er;
Jesus, Jesus, precious Jesus!
Oh, for grace to trust Him more!
Oh, how sweet to trust in Jesus,
Just to trust His cleansing blood;
And in simple faith to plunge me
’Neath the healing, cleansing flood!
Jesus, Jesus, how I trust Him!
How I’ve proved Him o’er and o’er;
Jesus, Jesus, precious Jesus!
Oh, for grace to trust Him more!
Yes, ’tis sweet to trust in Jesus,
Just from sin and self to cease;
Just from Jesus simply taking
Life and rest, and joy and peace.
Jesus, Jesus, how I trust Him!
How I’ve proved Him o’er and o’er;
Jesus, Jesus, precious Jesus!
Oh, for grace to trust Him more!
I’m so glad I learned to trust Thee,
Precious Jesus, Savior, Friend;
And I know that Thou art with me,
Wilt be with me to the end.
Jesus, Jesus, how I trust Him!
How I’ve proved Him o’er and o’er;
Jesus, Jesus, precious Jesus!
Oh, for grace to trust Him more!

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Categories : Faith, Music

I Don’t Have Time To Maintain These Regrets When I Think About The Way He Loves Us

13 07 2011

Recently, Mark Driscoll, pastor of Mars Hill in Seattle posted this on Facebook.
The post has been rebutted:

  • http://bmwooddell.wordpress.com/2011/07/09/a-letter-to-mark-driscoll/
  • http://reverendjohn.blogspot.com/2011/07/letter-to-pastor-mark.html
  • http://www.stumbleupon.com/su/1k8tvM/rachelheldevans.com/mark-driscoll-bully

The rebuttals have been rebutted:

  • http://www.stumbleupon.com/su/1duUdc/online.worldmag.com/2011/07/13/libel-is-not-love/

The viewpoint has been clarified:

  • http://ht.ly/5DTZo

And the post has been removed.

None of that, though, is what’s prompting me to come out of my blog coma and post. I’d like to take this opportunity to say STOP. Everyone. JUST STOP.

Was the post out of line? Yes. Was it in poor taste? Absolutely. Was it inappropriate for anyone calling himself a Christian, let alone a Christian leader? Probably. Is the internet the place to call him out on that? No.

I know, I know, Driscoll started the whole thing by posting online. You’re right. The Jesus we follow absolutely said to do unto others as they have done to you. Wait. That’s not what he said at all. It’s kind of the opposite of that, actually. Yes, I know, we’re supposed to discipline sin before the church. The thing is, though, that (a) public accountability should only come AFTER a private confrontation (according to Jesus in Matthew 18) and (b) the internet isn’t the church.

It’s probably no secret that I’m not a Driscoll fan. We’ve got some philosophical and ideological differences that have little to do with ministry and nothing to do with salvation. I’m ok with that. I’m wholly convinced that Jesus loves me in spite of myself & the same is true for Pastor Mark. I respect his ministry & the fact that God’s given him an amazing platform.  In general, I feel like this is just another instance of his being needlessly divisive. As a former leader in the Emergent church, he’s been uniquely gifted with the opportunity to unite emerging and traditional congregations. Instead, he’s a pulpit shock jock. This is not new information. It’s who he is and his ministry doesn’t seem to be suffering from it. Any umbrage I may have (and I’m not alone given the reaction on the internet) is my problem, not his.

The beauty of the church is that we don’t have to agree with one another about anything other than Jesus. We have to love each other. We have to hold one another accountable (side note: anyone claiming any of this has been about accountability is kidding themselves), but we don’t have to agree. Unless you’re married to Mark Driscoll or attend Mars Hill, you don’t have to defer to him as a spiritual leader. You can choose to do so, but it’s not Biblically mandated. I feel like it’s not a surprise to anyone that I’m not a Driscoll fan. To be fair, since I’m a feminist woman called to ministry, Driscoll’s probably not a fan of mine. That’s ok. Peter and Paul weren’t BFFs either. Their ministries each thrived.

If you know me at all, you’ve probably heard me express the opinion that if the church would act like we love each other, the world might start to think we love them, too. All this back and forth is making a whole lot more of us, and a whole lot less of Jesus. The world isn’t seeing Jesus in the posts, or the rebuttals, or the rebuttals of the rebuttals.  They’re seeing Christians tear each other apart. I’ll say it again (in all caps, both for emphasis and in case you missed it the first time), IF THE CHURCH WOULD ACT LIKE WE LOVE EACH OTHER, THE WORLD MIGHT START TO THINK WE LOVE THEM, TOO. That’s the challenge, isn’t it? Why are we letting this ridiculousness get in the way of that?


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Categories : Controversy, Faith, Missiology, The Church

It Shall Be No Longer Mine…part 2

12 04 2011

I know, I know, part 2 is a bit of a stretch. It’s been a year. More than a year. In that time, though, that’s what God’s been teaching me. So there you go.

The month of March was awful. Awful is an understatement. It was a month in my life that I’ll never forget and hope never to relive. It was the kind of month that makes one start comparing oneself to Job. March was a month that included a murder & a Japanese earthquake/tsunami and ended with almost being carjacked. Granted, those first things didn’t happen to me directly, but they happened to dear friends who I admire, love & pray for. The carjacking, though, that was me. You know it’s been a rough month when a guy’s trying to forcibly remove you from your vehicle, and the thoughts that run through your head are “I so don’t have time for this” and “my friends and family can NOT deal with this right now.”

So…Job. I really started thinking a lot about Job. What I thought is how ridiculous it is to compare ourselves to Job. I mean, really?!?! His entire livelihood, family, & health were destroyed and his friends and remaining loved ones advised him to curse God & die. As bad my March was, as apocalyptic and dark as it seemed at times, it didn’t come close to Job status.

That, though, isn’t why the comparison is ridiculous. That comes at the very beginning: Job 1:1, “In the land of Uz there lived a man whose name was Job. This man was blameless and upright; he feared God and shunned evil.” Blameless, upright, feared God & shunned evil. God reiterates that (verbatim) when he describes Job in 1:8, “Then the LORD said to Satan, ‘Have you considered my servant Job? There is no one on earth like him; he is blameless and upright, a man who fears God and shuns evil.’” Oh that God would describe me in such a way! Blameless, upright, feared God & shunned evil. On my very best days, I’m 2 out of 4.

April, thus far, has been pretty fantastic. As opposite of March as possible. It’s been filled with family, friends, laughter, baseball, great food…I even won 2 tickets to Jazz Fest in a twitter picture contest. Life is good, but it was good in March. It was just hard. God is good, but He has been good since before time began and will continue to be good.

There are going to be times when life is hard…seemingly, impossibly hard. There won’t always be reasons for us to understand. If we’re going to compare ourselves to Job, though, we need to at least take away the lessons he learned. God spends chapters 40 & 41 calling Job out for whining about not understanding it all. In the end, Job’s response in 42:2-3 is this: “I know that you can do all things; no purpose of yours can be thwarted.  You asked, ‘Who is this that obscures my plans without knowledge?’ Surely I spoke of things I did not understand, things too wonderful for me to know.”

This life that I’m living? It’s not mine. Good or inexplicably horrible, it’s not mine. It’s God’s…and He is good, and He is God, and His overarching plan for the world is more wonderful than I can understand. I get to be a part of that. My new prayer is that in life’s “Job” moments (and they’re going to come), I’ll have Job-like faith.


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Categories : Faith, Life in General, Tragedy

It Shall Be No Longer Mine

8 02 2010

Overheard at Verge (a Missional Community conference in Austin)…

“The cross, by it’s very nature, is outside anyone’s comfort zone.” – Francis Chan

“It’s not about learning what we don’t know, but living out what we do know.” – Jon Ferguson

“Learning takes place when programming is subjected to questioning.”- Alan Hirsch

“if we don’t disciple, the culture sure will.” – Hirsch

“We don’t just need to use our gifts, we need to be equipping people to use their gifts.” – Ed Stetzer

“When we do for others what God has called them to do, we hurt eachother and hinder the church.” – Stetzer

“If people know you’re for them, not against them, they’ll start to believe your God is for them, not against them.” – John Burke

“If we aim at ministry, we’ll never hit mission, but if we aim at ministry, missions happens naturally.” – Hirsch

“Our lives must find their place in some greater story, or they’ll find their place in some lessor story.” – Caesar Kalinowski

You should also watch this:  The Big Red Tractor from Jacob Lewis on Vimeo.

I’m still processing everything I heard, and I know some of it’ll require action. I guess we should all stay tuned to figure out exactly what that means.


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Categories : Faith, Missiology, Postmodernity, The Church

Bullfrogs & Butterflies, Both Been Born Again

22 01 2010

On the ride home from nun practice tonight (another story for another day – I’ll attempt to post a video should there be one), I listened to a radio interview with Randal Keynes. Keynes is the great-great-grandson of Charles Darwin and the author of a book about Darwin entitled “Creation.”

“Creation” has also been made into a film that opens in select theatres this week. It’s a film I feel most Christians will never see, and that makes me sad. To begin with, it stars Paul Bettany, who’s amazing, but more than that, the story told in the film (as I was able to glean it from the radio interview) is one that most Christians need to hear, and with which most non-Christians will identify.

Keynes says Darwin didn’t see his evolutionary theory as something in conflict with Christianity (something many of my Christian friends also hold true). Keynes also says that it wasn’t “Origin of the Species,” but the inexplicable death of Darwin’s young daughter that drove Darwin away from his belief in God. He says that Darwin’s loss of faith was something that was a constant struggle in his life and his marriage because his wife was devout in her faith.

Many Christians respond to evolutionary theory like Darwin was a heretic who maliciously threw his theories in the face of faith. I think it behooves us to ponder that he struggled with it, agonized over it. It benefits us to reflect that he was a man who was hurt and broken and felt betrayed and abandoned by a God to whom he’d once dedicated his life.

We all know people like that. I’d venture to say we’ve all felt like that at one time or another. Doubt and struggle can be so much a part of faith. I know personally, it’s my doubts that help me solidify my faith and grow in my beliefs. Gandhi once said, “Faith… must be enforced by reason…. When faith becomes blind it dies.” I think that’s true. Blind faith is a shallow faith. It’s the faith that’s tested, proved, that becomes deeper, stronger. Mark 9:24 is a great verse. In a moment of desperation, loss, confusion, none of the above, all of the above, a man responds to Christ by saying “I believe – help my unbelief.” Jesus, as is His way, is faithful to follow through.

I’ll be going to see “Creation.” I hope my friends who don’t go see it do so because they’re sure of what they believe, not because they’re sure what they’re against. I hope that the Christian community recognizes that there’s more to the story than the creation/evolution debate. I hope we find ways that this film, like so many before it can be redeemed and used for God’s glory. I hope. I hope. I hope.


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Categories : Controversy, Entertainment, Faith

With Me It’s All or Nothin’*

2 08 2009

I think sometimes we miss out by not singing all the verses of hymns. I find it odd that we don’t. We don’t do it with any songs other than hymns, really. It’s not like Bono’s ever stood on stage and only sung the first and third verses of “I Still Haven’t Found What I’m Looking For.”

Sometimes I think we need a reminder that even the songs we think of as simple can be radically profound. Case in point:

Jesus loves me! This I know,
For the Bible tells me so.
Little ones to Him belong;
They are weak, but He is strong.

Yes, Jesus loves me!
Yes, Jesus loves me!
Yes, Jesus loves me!
The Bible tells me so.

Jesus loves me! This I know,
As He loved so long ago,
Taking children on His knee,
Saying, “Let them come to Me.

Yes, Jesus loves me!
Yes, Jesus loves me!
Yes, Jesus loves me!
The Bible tells me so.

Jesus loves me still today,
Walking with me on my way,
Wanting as a friend to give
Light and love to all who live.

Yes, Jesus loves me!
Yes, Jesus loves me!
Yes, Jesus loves me!
The Bible tells me so.

Jesus loves me! He who died
Heaven’s gate to open wide;
He will wash away my sin,
Let His little child come in.

Yes, Jesus loves me!
Yes, Jesus loves me!
Yes, Jesus loves me!
The Bible tells me so.

Jesus loves me! He will stay
Close beside me all the way;
Thou hast bled and died for me,
I will henceforth live for Thee.

Seriously? Wow. I think we’re handicapping kids by not giving them more than 1 verse and chorus. That song’ll preach, my friends. It’ll preach.

*The lyrics for this post title aren’t taken from a song that has anything to do with this post. I’m just an all or nothin’ kind of girl. Sorry if this causes confusion.


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Categories : Adulthood, Childhood, Faith, Music

I Heard The Sound Of A Thunder, It Roared Out A Warnin’

26 07 2009

My parents’ dog is scared of thunder. Scared is an understatement. The dog is paralyzed with fear when it thunders. He has to be medicated. That’s right, when the storms roll through, Dakota gets a diazepam.

When I was living overseas, one of the things I missed was the big storms. Growing up in Texas and Oklahoma, you learn to have a healthy respect and awe for the weather. When the thunder rolls, the tornadoes chase and the lightening strikes, the air becomes almost electric. Playing in the rain, watching the lights, letting the thunder lull me to sleep, and watching the sky turn green in preparation for twisters are some of my favorite things.

One night in Paris we had a thunder storm. That almost never happens, and that storm was the first and last I saw in my 2+ years there. I was a nanny at the time, and AK, the little girl I cared for, was awakened by the storm. She came running in and crawled up in my lap. We talked about how thunder sounds scary, but it can’t hurt us. I told her that some people say thunder is God bowling, or the angels throwing a party, but really it’s just noise. We talked about how God makes big noises like thunder and little noises like the wind. By the end of the night we we giggling at the slow rumbles.

As I write this there’s a storm rolling through. Listening to the rhythm has me more relaxed than I’ve been in weeks, but my parents’ 90 lb. labrador is trying to sit in my lap despite his dose of diazepam. Isn’t it strange that what terrifies some can thrill others? That combination of fear and wonder is mystifying.

I think that, more than anything else in my life, has helped me understand what it means to be in awe. In the early 90s the word “awesome” became colloquial and in the process, I think the word “awe” lost some of its luster. In our modern hullabaloo, we don’t have awe for a lot of things. In scripture, the word is used sparingly, but always in reference to God and his works.  I think it’s appropriate that God alone is worthy of awe, but its even more appropriate that He reveals to us what it is to be in awe through the works of His hands.

I wonder if God’s revealing himself through our fears more often than we realize. What is it that we fear? Is it possible God could be using that for His own glory?


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Categories : Faith

That is the Elephant in the Room

16 07 2009

I have lots of gay friends. Lots. My whole family does, actually. Some people find that weird because we’re all also pretty radically ministry oriented Christians. My homosexual friends almost all walk on eggshells around me for a couple of weeks after they find out that not only do I love Jesus, but I’m Baptist and in seminary. (All of those things stereotypically add up to hating gay people, FYI.) My Christian friends, on the other hand sometimes judge me as if loving these friends means that I’m somehow not very good at loving Jesus, being Baptist, or going to seminary.

I had a pastor and friend say to me once that homosexuality will be the defining issue for the church in the early 21st century. We’re almost a decade in and I’m still not sure if he’s right or wrong, but I do think he has a fair point. A few weeks ago, some friends and I went out after work. During the course of the evening, one of my guy friends (who happens to be in a monogamous relationship with another guy) asked me what I think about gay marriage. I felt the table grow quiet and all eyes turn to me, and I’d be lying if I could tell you I remembered everything I said. What I feel, though, is that for Christians at least, it should be a non-issue. Our agenda, as directed by Christ himself, is to love God, love others, and share the love of Christ with others so that they may come to know him.  Debating gay marriage, from one side or the other, damages that agenda for all Christians.

I’m not saying we’re not obligated to take a stand. Jesus was pretty clear to the contrary. The only times He ever took a confrontational stand to anything, though, was with those who considered themselves religious, and he NEVER let that impede his ministry. Can we say the same? Whether gay marriage, or alcohol, or R-rated movies, most of us are better at showing the world what we’re against than what we’re for.

Derek Webb is one of my favorite artists, Christian or otherwise. There’s a song on his new album that’s so controversial that his studio is releasing a version of the album without it. I think it’s a message that Christians not only need to hear, but to listen to and internalize.

This isn’t my favorite Derek Webb song ever. It doesn’t have his usual folksy style and the video is distracting. I deliberately picked the version that’s just audio, but if even that’s too much for you, at least read the lyrics by clicking on “more info” on the youtube page itself.

I’m not saying you should wholeheartedly agree with this song; I’m not sure I do. I’m challenging you, though, to pray about and ponder your own reaction to it.


Comments : 3 Comments »

Categories : Controversy, Faith, Music, Relationships

Keep Me Guessing With These Blessings in Disguise

9 07 2009

“Faith is the substance of things hoped for and the evidence of things unseen.”
Hebrews 11:1

Faith: it’s been the motivation of songs, poems, and epic tales, of chisel to marble and brush to canvas, of wars both ideological and and those that spill blood on the battlefields.

I’ve been thinking a lot about faith lately. It mystifies me. Not on a personal level; I’m not having a crisis of belief or anything. Not in a religious capacity…there’s always a chance that I’ll try to tackle conflicting ideologies, but today is not that day.

The faith I’ve been pondering is defined as

  1. Confident belief in the truth, value, or trustworthiness of a person, idea, or thing.
  2. Belief that does not rest on logical proof or material evidence.
  3. Loyalty to a person or thing; allegiance

It’s the human capacity for faith that boggles the mind. As Christians we often site God’s invisibility as reason people struggle to believe in God. The more I’ve reflected on that, the more I think it’s poppycock. It’s a struggle because faith is so fragile and so seldom rewarded in our lives. Think about it: we put our faith in relationships – the best of which are complex and difficult to maintain; we put our faith in political and religious leaders, who in their humanity are bound to disappoint eventually. We live in a world where countries are in political unrest, reality television has tarnished the very definition of reality, and the planets of our childhoods are no longer planets.

The fact that we still have the ability to have faith in anyone or anything is a miracle. Our innate need and hunger for God and something bigger than ourselves is so great that it overcomes the fraility of faith. Henry David Thoreau said “The smallest seed of faith is better than the largest fruit of happiness.” The world has failed us, but there’s still hope for something more, and that More is so much infinitely greater than we could ask or imagine that He makes faith worth the risk.


Comments : 2 Comments »

Categories : Faith, Paradox


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