Dear eHarmony,
Your commercial for the past few days to publicize your free weekend has said “what if the person you’re meant to be with is out there waiting for you?” All due respect, eHarmony, but I know for sure that the man I am meant to be with is NOT out there waiting for me.
I’m not saying he’s not on eHarmony. Heck, more than half of my single friends are on eHarmony, so if they’re any indication, the odds are good.
I’m also not saying that there’s not someone I’m “meant to be with.” While I feel like as Christians there’s a valid argument on either side of the one-person-for-everyone debate, I’m not going to take it up with you. It’s part of a bigger argument that really devolves into a whole predestination versus free-will debate, and I’m fairly certain you were trying to be romantic rather than ideologically profound.
It’s the “out there waiting for you” part I find objectionable. Really? “Out there waiting for you?” As if all single people are sitting around waiting to find a mate so that our real lives can start? I know that’s not how you meant it. I also know that those kind of single people do exist. We all know they exist. They’re giving the rest of us a bad reputation. That’s not really what I take objection to, either.
It’s just that if (and we’re back to that whole free will vs. predestination thing again) there is a man out there who’s meant for me, he’s not out there waiting for me. If he’s sitting around waiting at all, he’s not meant for me. If there’s a man out there meant for me, he’s making the most of this time we’re not together. He’s living his life to the fullest. He’s embracing all that life affords him. He’s fully cognizant of how God’s using him in this time of singleness. Someday, when and if we find one another, he’ll appreciate that I’ve been doing the same.
So eHarmony, I reject your premise that “the person I’m meant to be with is out there waiting” for me. If he’s out there waiting, he’s not for me. Your advertising team is going to have to come up with some other form of propaganda if you’re going to acquire my business.
Thanks for what you do. I have many a friend who’s come home with quite the tale after an outing with someone they met through you. You’ve provided quite the conversational fodder. So thank you for providing that service, if nothing else.
Most Sincerely,
Loni Fancher
You’re Gonna Find Out That Love’s Your Friend
8 09 2009Comments : Leave a Comment »
Categories : Adulthood, Paradox, Relationships, Snark
We’re Gonna Have A Good Time
5 09 2009
My 30th birthday is in two and a half months. Weird, right? Set aside that lately I feel like I’m Benjamin Buttoning through life, and it’s still odd.
This year, my birthday is on a Sunday. This is good because I am incapable of making decisions. I know, I know. I can be quite authoritative (some would say bossy) when I need to be. I also have the tendency to know what I want/like and go after it. However, when presented with multiple delightful possibilities, my favorite choice (if at all possible) is all of the above. I’m the girl that orders the sampler platter, makes mixed playlists, and packs 3 extra outfits because I don’t like to limit my options. Seriously friends, my commitment issues know no bounds.
Having a birthday on a Sunday means infinite party potential. Yippee!! Set your calendars now for Lonipalooza – November 20-22, 2009. The schedule is still tentative, but events so far include a night out on the town complete with drinks/dinner/jazz, and a 3rd…er…30th birthday party which brings us to the real reason for this post.
The 3rd…er…30th birthday party will include games, movies, toys, & food all targeted to our younger selves. In light of all that, my birthday wish is to fill my living room with ball pit balls. Can you imagine what it would be like to play in a ball pit as an adult? Without having to worry about the disgustingness normally associated with the public variety? I’m getting giddy just thinking about it.
It’s going to take about 25,000 balls to make my ball pit dream a reality – which means I need your help. I’m starting my ball pit ball collection now. If you’d like to be a part of this, or you just think it sounds awesome and would like to help, I’ll be accepting contributions of the brightly colored plastic orbs for the next several months.
Suggestions for acquiring ball pit balls:
1) toy stores – who knew?
2) stealing 1 ball at a time from public ball pits (note: I don’t condone this and you’re likely to contract some sort of childhood disease)
3) the internet has balls for sale in quantities ranging from 25 – 5000; get some friends to chip in and save some coin, but unless you’re using craigslist, you’ll have to pay for shipping
4) friends – parents of toddlers are DYING to rid their own homes of these balls; be the hero and take them off their hands
5) contribute funds – maybe you don’t want to go searching for balls on your own, but you find this hilarious; skip a latte or two and help a sister out HERE; just $5 provides 25 balls for a ball pit in need.
I’m happy to meet you somewhere to pick up your acquisitions, or find a college student or other friend to schlep them back to DFW from parts unknown. If you’d rather, though, feel free to ship them straight to me. (Email me for my address – posting it on the world wide web seems less than safe).
Some of you have asked what I’ll be doing with the balls after the party. I’m still working out those details, but current possibilities include ebay, craigslist, donating them to churches who could use them, and returning them to their original order. If you want your contribution returned to you – just let me know! 
I’ll be storing the balls in my garage until the party. We share our double garage with our next door neighbors. How many balls do you think I’ll have to store back there before they start to ask questions?
THANKS IN ADVANCE FOR HELPING TO MAKE LONIPALOOZA A REALITY!!!
OH!! I did my own calculations (volume = length x width x height…thank you 9th grade geometry) to figure out how many balls I’ll need after researching that it takes about 500 balls for every 8 cubic feet. It wasn’t until after I got home that I found this site online. If you’d like to follow my lead and build your own ball pit – here’s a site you may find helpful.
Comments : 2 Comments »
Categories : Adulthood, Childhood, Paradox, Party
Friends to Know, Ways to Grow…
28 08 2009Today, I join my generation in mourning the loss of a formative part of our collective childhood.
Thank you for introducing us to the greatness of “Bea and Mr. Jones,” “If You Give A Mouse A Cookie,” “Miss Nelson is Back,” and “Cloudy With a Chance of Meatballs.” You have been a dear friend to us all, and I suspect your loss will be reflected not only in our hearts but in our deteriorating culture in the years to come.
RIP Reading Rainbow 1983-2009
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Categories : Childhood, Literature, Music
Stay On, Soon You’ll Be Divine
19 08 2009Do you ever get food cravings? They say that when we’re craving something it’s because out bodies are running low on a nutrient found it whatever it is we’re craving. That’s all well and good, but it doesn’t really explain chocolate cravings. I digress…
When I get cravings, more likely than not they’re for fresh fruits and vegetables. Most often, I crave crunchy things like apples or carrots, but for the last few days, it’s been tomatoes. I cannot get enough tomatoes, or tomato products, or stuff made with tomatoes. From raw tomatoes to ketchup, I think I’ve had tomato something with every meal since Sunday.
Tonight, I decided that selecting my dinner based food that could be a vehicle for ketchup consumption had to stop, so I made gazpacho. In France there was this great store that sold frozen food and they had ice cube sized servings of gazpacho in bags of 50 or so. Four or five cubes thawed out with a baguette and a glass of wine was dinner many a sweltering, air-conditioned free night.
I don’t have a baguette tonight (though learning to make those is definitely on my to-do list), but I think the fresh gazpacho will make up for it, don’t you? PS – I totally made enough to freeze some in ice cube trays.
Here’s the recipe:
In a blender or food processor combine 1 small red onion, 1 red bell pepper, 1 green bell pepper, 2 cucumbers (peeled), 2 cloves of garlic, 4 cups of tomato juice, 1 tbsp olive oil, 1 tbsp vinegar. Salt, pepper, and spice to taste. I added a dash of cumin, a little salt to heighten the flavors and a little Tabasco to give it a kick. Pour into a large bowl, cover and chill for at least 20 minutes to let the flavors meld. The longer it chills, the better it’ll taste. Yum!
Comments : 2 Comments »
Categories : Culinary, Health
Breeze It, Buzz It, Easy Does It
13 08 2009I’m not sure if you have to be a fan of musicals, technology, or just a member of generation x/y to get this, but I find it quite amusing. I had someone tell me the other day that facebook is the new bar (i.e. place where you meet/pick up people). Evidently CollegeHumor agrees.
Comments : 1 Comment »
Categories : Modernity, Music
You Make Me Feel Like I Am Just A Child
7 08 2009I wish the day to day of life called for more occasion to be this quirky.
PS – I want to be Zooey Deschanel when I grow up. As she’s 2 months younger than I, this could be a problem.
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Categories : Adulthood, Music
If Growing Up Means It Would Be Beneath My Dignity To Climb A Tree…
5 08 2009Sometimes I worry that I’m the only person in the world that feels like this I’m not as old as my biology indicates. I feel like I stopped growing up at 24…which is a good thing, I think.
Anyway, there are days I worry that’s just me, and other days I see things like this. Thanks xkcd.
Comments : 2 Comments »
Categories : Adulthood, Funny, Paradox
Blue, I Love You
3 08 2009
Evidently, eating copious amounts of blue m&m’s could heal spinal damage. The only side effect is that you may end up looking like a Smurf for a bit. La, la, la la la la, la…
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Categories : Health, Snark
With Me It’s All or Nothin’*
2 08 2009I think sometimes we miss out by not singing all the verses of hymns. I find it odd that we don’t. We don’t do it with any songs other than hymns, really. It’s not like Bono’s ever stood on stage and only sung the first and third verses of “I Still Haven’t Found What I’m Looking For.”
Sometimes I think we need a reminder that even the songs we think of as simple can be radically profound. Case in point:
Jesus loves me! This I know,
For the Bible tells me so.
Little ones to Him belong;
They are weak, but He is strong.
Yes, Jesus loves me!
Yes, Jesus loves me!
Yes, Jesus loves me!
The Bible tells me so.
Jesus loves me! This I know,
As He loved so long ago,
Taking children on His knee,
Saying, “Let them come to Me.
Yes, Jesus loves me!
Yes, Jesus loves me!
Yes, Jesus loves me!
The Bible tells me so.
Jesus loves me still today,
Walking with me on my way,
Wanting as a friend to give
Light and love to all who live.
Yes, Jesus loves me!
Yes, Jesus loves me!
Yes, Jesus loves me!
The Bible tells me so.
Jesus loves me! He who died
Heaven’s gate to open wide;
He will wash away my sin,
Let His little child come in.
Yes, Jesus loves me!
Yes, Jesus loves me!
Yes, Jesus loves me!
The Bible tells me so.
Jesus loves me! He will stay
Close beside me all the way;
Thou hast bled and died for me,
I will henceforth live for Thee.
Seriously? Wow. I think we’re handicapping kids by not giving them more than 1 verse and chorus. That song’ll preach, my friends. It’ll preach.
*The lyrics for this post title aren’t taken from a song that has anything to do with this post. I’m just an all or nothin’ kind of girl. Sorry if this causes confusion.
Comments : 1 Comment »
Categories : Adulthood, Childhood, Faith, Music
I Heard The Sound Of A Thunder, It Roared Out A Warnin’
26 07 2009My parents’ dog is scared of thunder. Scared is an understatement. The dog is paralyzed with fear when it thunders. He has to be medicated. That’s right, when the storms roll through, Dakota gets a diazepam.
When I was living overseas, one of the things I missed was the big storms. Growing up in Texas and Oklahoma, you learn to have a healthy respect and awe for the weather. When the thunder rolls, the tornadoes chase and the lightening strikes, the air becomes almost electric. Playing in the rain, watching the lights, letting the thunder lull me to sleep, and watching the sky turn green in preparation for twisters are some of my favorite things.
One night in Paris we had a thunder storm. That almost never happens, and that storm was the first and last I saw in my 2+ years there. I was a nanny at the time, and AK, the little girl I cared for, was awakened by the storm. She came running in and crawled up in my lap. We talked about how thunder sounds scary, but it can’t hurt us. I told her that some people say thunder is God bowling, or the angels throwing a party, but really it’s just noise. We talked about how God makes big noises like thunder and little noises like the wind. By the end of the night we we giggling at the slow rumbles.
As I write this there’s a storm rolling through. Listening to the rhythm has me more relaxed than I’ve been in weeks, but my parents’ 90 lb. labrador is trying to sit in my lap despite his dose of diazepam. Isn’t it strange that what terrifies some can thrill others? That combination of fear and wonder is mystifying.
I think that, more than anything else in my life, has helped me understand what it means to be in awe. In the early 90s the word “awesome” became colloquial and in the process, I think the word “awe” lost some of its luster. In our modern hullabaloo, we don’t have awe for a lot of things. In scripture, the word is used sparingly, but always in reference to God and his works. I think it’s appropriate that God alone is worthy of awe, but its even more appropriate that He reveals to us what it is to be in awe through the works of His hands.
I wonder if God’s revealing himself through our fears more often than we realize. What is it that we fear? Is it possible God could be using that for His own glory?
Comments : 1 Comment »
Categories : Faith
